I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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