I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
