Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
