it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
