I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
