how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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