I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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