I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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