Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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