i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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