Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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