Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
