i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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