exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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