He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
