I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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