turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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