did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
