carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
