i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
