i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
