the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
