and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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