She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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