There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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