I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
