So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize