U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
