Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
