what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
