going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
