they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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