Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
