If that was your dad, he is hot
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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