That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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