Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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