Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
