hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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