dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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