Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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