I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
