This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
