My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
