peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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