no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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