you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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