worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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