Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
