the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
