there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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