Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
