4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Say something about gay babies.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
