Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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