we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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