i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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