i wish there were pregnant emoticons
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
