1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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