2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
