scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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