i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
