I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
