I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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