i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I faked an abortion last night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
