She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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