dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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