My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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