So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
