She said her name was "party"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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