i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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