Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
