is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
