i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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