I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
