Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
