I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
