How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
