I'm so fucking centered right now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
