i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
