lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
