I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
