I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
