I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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