i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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