I want to stick my p in your. b.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
