Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
