so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tell her she can't have a vagina
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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