i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
